Do you think destination weddings are a little presumptuous?

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Do you think destination weddings are a little presumptuous?

pspoptart posted: 02 May at 1:09 pm

Just like weddings at home, it can save tons if the couple plans it right.

I don’t see how it can be presumptuous though….the couple is not demanding their attendance, simply saying “Hey, we’d like you to come if you cant, but if not we are OK with that too”. Along that same lines of thinking inviting someone to dinner would be presumptuous because they expect you to drive over there, probably bring a bottle of wine, eat what they tell you to….etc.

It’s just an invitation, not like there aren’t plenty of costs associated with attending a wedding in their hometown.
jamaican me crazy posted: 03 May at 1:45 am

we are having a destination wedding and if you want to talk cost, yea it’s a lot less for us and less headache for us too. we are a couple who want to be married on the beach so for us it works. as for our guests, we are not saying people need to come, but we would like our close family, and if they financial help with the trip we are helping them. i think a destination wedding is a personal decision, and not for everyone. for us, this works
Maggiezine posted: 06 May at 7:18 am

I agree, I think destination weddings are presumptuous. It’s one thing for whoever to pay for the wedding, but with destination weddings, you are basically telling your guests that if they want to share in your wedding, you, the guest, has to shell out the big money. most people do want to see their friends and family get married and celebrate with them, but I’d be a little annoyed if I had to pay airfare + hotel to do so.
angeldust_599 posted: 06 May at 11:42 pm

they dont bother me any…is someone wants one then thats fine, if they want to invite me then thats fine, if I can afford to go then thats fine and if I cant then thats fine too. the only part that would bother me is if they got mad if I couldnt go. then they would be told, but other then that, its whatever makes them happy.
Ms. X posted: 09 May at 10:47 pm

You have a point. Guest do have to go to a lot more trouble and expense to attend a far-off wedding than a local wedding.

OTOH, for many people, families and friends aren’t as local as they were in previous generations. My fiance and I have family and/or friends we plan to invite in Alaska, Washington state, Oregon, California, Colorado, Maryland, Virginia, Florida, and England. Odds are, someone’s going to be flying somewhere! Granted, if it’s a local wedding, some guests can often be put up in somebody’s guest room.
Shauna posted: 11 May at 7:00 am

I can’t speak on behalf of other people who are having destination weddings, but for me it wasn’t a matter or making people come. My fiance and I both understand what a financial burden it is, so we only sent invitations to very close friends and family, and we didn’t expect anyone to come. Actually, we originally planned on eloping, but knew that our best friends and closest family probably would never forgive us!

In my opinion, people either have a destination wedding because they’re like me and don’t want a huge wedding (which is usually too much of a hassle and large in part cookie-cutter), or because they want to go over-the-top. Generally, when you are having an over-the-top DW, you are supposed to pay for your guests accommodations at least.

Also, yes, we saved a lot of money. We’re also having a small informal party on our return. I think the entire thing, including our week long honeymoon cost about $4,000.

I guess it all comes down to what the couple wants, and a wedding is about a marriage first and foremost. Traditional weddings are not for everyone, but DW couples really can’t be mad at guests who aren’t able to attend. My guests are all using my wedding as an excuse to have a great vacation of their own.
jeannielunchbox posted: 12 May at 4:17 pm

no, it’s not presumptuous. it is only an invitation, you are not required to come.
Valerie H posted: 15 May at 6:41 am

Yes… Im starting to **** destination weddings where Im EXPECTED to go. Apparently the younger 20-somethings who have no kids, disposable income, and flexible work schedules think nothing of taking off vacation time to go to these things.

My hubby and I had to go to Vegas for my sister-in-law’s wedding earlier this year. We have a toddler. We live in LA and drove to Vegas the morning of the wedding (Saturday) – got to Vegas around 3pm – the wedding was at 6pm – we had to check out of the hotel by 11am on the following morning (Sunday) – and drive back to LA.

I was so exhausted…. the entire trip is a blur… I barely remember the wedding
inquisitor posted: 16 May at 8:35 am

I think they are extremely presumptuous. Do those couples who plan those things think that EVERYONE is made of money? The wedding is the wedding, and the honeymoon is the honeymoon…and it should be kept that way.
sum_dum_bok posted: 16 May at 12:37 pm

We live in Minnesota. We bought our house in February. The same year, my husband’s brother decided to get married in Vegas in April. Guess who wasn’t at his only brother’s wedding.
fizzystuff posted: 17 May at 4:04 am

I dont agree because you are not asking, you are inviting people to come, and of course you understand that many of them cannot come. Thats why destination weddings are often smaller. Also consider the many international marriages and how families are scattered all over the globe, which was my situation. Our family and friends live all over the place. Some people actually like traveling and would look forward to a wedding, combining it with a vacation for themselves.
mj69catz posted: 17 May at 11:16 pm

My husband’s best friend had a destination wedding in Vegas. No matter what they would have done, 1/2 of the family would have had to travel anyway, since the two of them were from two different states (8 hours apart). By having the destination wedding, they were able to invite family and a few close friends. Then they followed up with individual receptions in the home towns of each of their parents. We had a blast, and had a vacation of it. They spent less time working on the wedding because they chose someone who did most of the work for them.

Everyone who went had a great time, and no one felt like they were left out or put apon to go to the wedding. Really, many people have to travel to weddings anyway, unless you have two people who grew up in the same towns, and never left and have families that never left either.
mender_bender2001 posted: 20 May at 12:54 pm

i think it depends – normally i would agree with you – but what do you consider it if you are getting married in the town you currently live but none of your relatives do – it would be a destination wedding for them anyway so in this case why not let them maybe get a plane ticket discount (tickets would be cheaper to a destination stop that to a Podunk town in the middle of nowhere.) or a mini vacation out of the deal?
kimandryan2008 posted: 21 May at 4:29 pm

Well, my fiance and I are having a destination wedding in state. We live in my fiance’s home town, so if we had it here most would need to travel to our wedding. If we had it in my home town, again, most will need to travel. So we’re getting married in beautiful Yosemite. Everyone, including us, is traveling.
As it turns out, people are looking forward to our wedding!! They are using it as an excuse to take a vacation and staying longer.
If a bride and groom really wants an out of state/country destination wedding, then they usually understand that most people will not have the ability to attend. And, chances are, unless you where family or a very, very close friend, your wouldn’t be invited anyways. And, as in our situation, most people would use it as a excuse to take a vacation. After all, most destination weddings are in desirable locations.
D P posted: 22 May at 5:41 pm

It’s not a matter of cost- although that matters, but choice. Our guests are invited to join us in Thailand- now we’ve had 2 reactions- absolute horror and jumping to buy tickets. We have ad a tour company design a tour so our guests are safe- and it cost £600 less per person that the cheapest equivalent- I say equivalent- its the same tour rejigged. We want to marry in a spiritual way- whether our friends and family are there or not. I think too many people live in the past and think the wedding is for other people, its not, its for the couple and how they want to do it is their choice. Too many white church weddings become a one up man-ship on each other- how big the cake is- how many guests, who designed the dress- what’s on the menu- is it a buffet? why invite a distant relative you haven’t ever met??
I’m really excited about our wedding- we were going to Thailand anyway-I think people would be more upset if they hadn’t been told or invited.
Lydia posted: 24 May at 10:35 am

I agree with you in that I think they’re an easy out – but then brides often want the best of both worlds. They want the destination wedding, then ANOTHER reception and/or ceremony when they get back home. To me, that’s the presumptuous part. How about ONE wedding, whatever is planned….
no_frills posted: 26 May at 11:15 am

I think people do it, so they can have the small wedding they want. I only know one person who had a destination wedding and they knew it would exclude most people. They invited people verbally stating they understood if they could not make it. I didn’t attend, to pay for a vacation I didn’t want was more that I would do. Only way is if I would enjoy that destination. I was single at the time at it was at a all inclusive for couples.

Anyone who expects more than their immediate family, and closest friends are expecting too much. If someone plans a destination wedding they should not be upset if someone does not show up.
cliffordex posted: 29 May at 4:07 pm

I agree. It’s absolutely appalling to require someone to spend money on long distance travel and accommodation to attend a wedding.
.

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Do you think destination weddings are a little presumptuous?

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